The Preacher in Me

When I was thirteen years old, I heard a sermon at the small Primitive Baptist Church I attended with my great-grandmother.  The congregation took a break for lunch and I ventured outside to play with the other kids, of which there were only about five.  I remember, very distinctly, thinking that I wanted to be a preacher when I grew up.  Then the shyness which I was afflicted with, or gifted with according to some, gathered itself up and strongly protested, saying there was no way I would could get in front of a crowd and speak.  The shyness won the battle, but not the war. 

Another forty or so years would pass by before I gathered up the courage, or should I say the Holy Spirit’s inspiration overcame my shyness, and I preached my first sermon.  I was amazed and perplexed that I spoke so easily, no hesitation or nervousness.  What I discovered is that when you speak the truth, speak in love, and speak with humility, then like Paul, you can speak with a voice given power by the Holy Spirit.

Before I traveled on my first mission trip to the Dominican Republic, I had a feeling, a tugging at my brain, perhaps my conscience that fed in me a desire to do something for others, to participate in something greater than myself.  And so I overcame my natural inclination to stay home and watch television and ventured forth with a group of people I did not know, to a land I knew nothing about.  That venture changed me and changed me forever.

On the second mission trip, I had an epiphany.  I encountered a force of love so strong it brought me to my knees and made me cry in joy and ecstasy.  The life-changing event happened at the church we were building and it was so powerful I hid from my companions.  Perhaps that was why Jesus wandered off to be alone with the Father, because it is so overpowering and emotional that you don’t want others to interrupt.

Upon my return, I entered into a process to become an ordained Deacon, even though I wanted to be a priest.  Alas, I seemed to have been misguided, I did not complete the process, nor was it a good experience.  After a few years of meditation, questioning, and praying, I concluded, rightly or wrongly, that God did not want me to be bound to the church, because the church has rules.  Where there are rules there must be enforcers, where there are enforcers there is power, and power corrupts.  Better to be beholden to God and not the church. 

What God wants I believe is someone preaching like a prophet, free to say what the Holy Spirit wants me to say, following sometimes a proscribed doctrine rather than a prescribed doctrine.  Seek and you shall find.  Look for the truth in all things.  If it comes easy, then it is probably a false truth.  Isn’t it easier to judge someone and call them names rather than help them?

While I was going through the process to become a Deacon a friend asked me how I felt about the mentally ill.  I confessed that they scared me.  I was being truthful, I did not know how to cope with mentally ill people, and I was ignorant.  But ignorance, unlike stupidity, can be cured with education.  With the help of my wife, who is a social worker, I took some online classes to learn about various mental illnesses.  Then I volunteered as a non-denominational worship leader at a local home for the mentally ill. 

After the first couple of meetings, my preconceptions were challenged and I changed.  I wanted to talk about meditation and one man told me he couldn’t because if he calmed his mind the voices would come in and say things.  I did some research and corresponded with a psychotherapist and found out that was true.  Over the months, the meeting evolved into a session where we read the scripture, sing, and talk.  Talk about all subjects.  The mentally ill are like most people, what they desire is to be heard, to be listened to, and cared for by another human being.  They desire love more than all else.  What I also discovered is that they know they are mentally ill, they remember a time when they weren’t, and they grieve for their current condition. 

So today, I am a preacher, a minister, and a follower of Jesus.  The path has been long and arduous, I have been crucified and resurrected, and I will not be still in the face of evil.